A Clockwork World

I've had a lot of ideas as to what I would type on this blog. I debated trying to write out a short book in blog-form, but decided not to. The major difficulty in trying to maintain that sort of structure is that I would have to build on subjects with each successive post, and the truth is sometimes that simply is not conducive to good insight. Instead, I'm just going to write about whatever I feel is important/recent/relevant when I come to the keyboard. That way I can take thoughts already in my head and not try to develop them on the fly. Hopefully it will lead to a little more success than my last try.

Lately I've been a little down, and have been having problems focusing on what I need to be focusing on. The onset of this spell was about a week ago when I was coming out of winter break. At some point I think I was mulling over the themes from Avatar, and I came to a realization that James Cameron has essentially created and immersed us in a world that was in so many ways superior to our own. Over and over I read and hear of how people go to see the movie and come out depressed when they remember that they have their own boring lives to return to. It made me realize that our own "happiness" is grossly limited by the shackles of our individual realities. Now, this is nothing new to me and admittedly I've spent many hours exploring the subject before. I guess the underlying difference was that it never really sank in when I debated it in my own head, as opposed to actually falling victim to the idea. Truly, I exited the theater with a cloud of depression over my head, realizing that instead of sleeping in trees I would be staying up at night studying for tests. I couldn't help but ask myself why this was the case and why we stand for it. I can't speak for everyone, but in my specific situation this idea is very disturbing. I began school at about age 5 I believe, and I will finish it when I hit 30. The next 7 years of my life will spent studying and living out of hospitals. I will never swing from the trees of Pandora, nor will I do anything of significance in my little reality. Yet I accept it and struggle through my difficulties, as do those around me. I find myself looking forward to the short hours of the night that I can sleep and, because they are the only way I ever enjoy this life. In a dream anything is possible, and we experience the outer edges of emotions far more often than in real life. This is what I find depressing. Reality. It is the sole limit on the happiness we can achieve in this life. In its absence our minds roam free to explore any corner of the realm of possibility. In its presence we grind through the day like machines. Some day I expect we will find an answer to this problem, as I expect that technology will eventually supersede the limits of what we perceive as real. The movie The Matrix comes to mind. Imagine a world that was completely artificial and yet completely convincing. A persistent dream. Our minds would decide what is and is not possible, and from there we would construct worlds lush with imagination. Who would want to return to reality? Who would choose their current life? I wouldn't.